Workplace Jester Pillows

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Suggestion box escape.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'The only part of the job I don't like is that they celebrate 'bring yourself to work day' five times a week.'

Carrot & nose on sticks.

'Good Lord, what is it this week? New equipment for your kid's soccer team?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

'Late again. What's your excuse?; - 'Stop me if you've heard this one.'

Dept of Health and Safety founder was accident victim.

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

'I'm getting a mixed message.'

Efficiency Expert

"I wish you had come to me with your grievances before burning the company flag."

Sawing a job out from under him.

'I'm going to have to transfer you to someone I don't like.'

Meeting!

'I need to let you go, my 11:00 disappointment just walked in.'

Woman to Plumber - 'Do you do teeth?'

Slave Drivers.

'I'm letting all of you go. I was going to blame it on the dot-com crash, but since we don't have a website, I'll have to come up with a different excuse, which I'll do after lunch.'

Woman daydreaming demeaning things about her boss

"Whenever corporate culture fails, corporate nature takes over."

A big announcement is coming at work.

"Barnes! Put that fishing pole away and get back to work. And, thank you for installing this camera!"

"Mr. Curtis can't come to the phone right now. He's in the time-out chair."

"You call this a mere bagatelle?"

"Don't be afraid – it's just your office,"

"Good times, bad times, I've never known what was going on."

"I told you, no "funny business," Anderson."

"... and, this is the antacid closet."