Workplace Jesters Pillows

' I hope you're not trying to suggest that I don't pay you enough Foster ! '

"People often think management is glamorous, that we spend all our time engaging in high profile decision making."

Help Wanted Signs Explained.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"I hate performance review season."

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'I bet you think I'm drinking tea...'

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"It's not bulls**t if we call it strategy."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'