Job Juggling Jester Pillows

"Oh, I'm not your waitress - I'm her secretary."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Wheeeeeeee!"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

Tennis ball girl.

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

The breakup