Job Juggling Jester Gifts

"Oh, I'm not your waitress - I'm her secretary."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"Wheeeeeeee!"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Tennis ball girl.

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

"I'd better get going. I've got a lot coming at me right now."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

The breakup

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."