Job Juggler Gifts

' I used to lead by example but it was too much work.'

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'Remember it takes less time to do the job right than it takes to explain why you did it wrong.'

"As receptionist, you'll be answering the phone, greeting customers and doing whatever else they dump on you."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Career Guidance Office '...then again, what do I know; look where I work.'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

"Do you have to take your work home with you?"

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

'Do you have any employers references?'

'Welcome aboard! Of course, we start downsizing tomorrow so you'll be the first to go.'

And this is Jim, one of our old hands - he's been here well before lunch!

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

Isn't It Exciting?

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

'You can stop worrying about job burn-out.'

'I'm applying for a job training program to become a dairy cow instead of a beef one.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

'Job security's not great here so we tend to leave our coats on.'

Isolated fits of enthusiasm erupt at the annual I don't know I just work here convention.

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

30th Birthday - Doctors aren't like policemen.. they don't grow younger, they just age faster.

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

'The problem is - I do get paid enough to take this aggravation.'

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

Oh you're qualified for the job, but can you drive a car while tracking shipments, texting and listening to me on the phone?