Job Jugglers Pillows

"We want someone who can multitask. During our interview I'd like you to fill out those forms and have a physical."

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

'If you can't get by on your present salary, Slocum, I suggest your wife get a second job.'

"I've always been extremely passionate about not starving to death."

'Louie Ferguson got a job last week -- you never know who's going to be next.'

'Applicant wacked out, suggest immediate promotion.'

A Temporary One Day A Year Job Is Not Enough, I Want A Permanent Job!

"Under 'salary desired', could you be more specific than 'obscene'?"

"Well, Mr Anderson, you resume and references look great. All we need from you now is a full personality assessment, an ancestry report, and your horoscope for the next ninety days... then we can talk about a second interview."

"According to your C.V. you were self employed, but you made yourself redundant?"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Supermom.

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'