Job Application Jester Pillows

'Interesting. . . I see you have a degree in 'Under Achieving'. . .'

'The two-month gap in my resume? I was stuck in a bean bag chair.'

"We already have our resumé."

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

I thought I'd put in a couple of love affairs to brighten it up.

'I said.. how long were you a DRILL INSTRUCTOR, SIR?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

"I like you, kid, but I'll be honest: The problem is your resume. It reads like a patch-work quilt!"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

Born In Captivity.

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Scapegoat of the Year

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."