Job Market Jester Pillows

'That's true. We did advertise for someone who 'works well under pressure'...'

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

"Take a seat and I'll get right to the point. We're looking for someone with lots of imagination."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

How to tell it's still an employer's job market...

"Do you think this would work for the Wilkin's account."

"Nothing personal, We need more parking space."

'So, you're looking for casual labour!'

"...but if we're ever scraping the bottom of the barrel we'll be in touch."

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

Impossible to Fill Vacancies

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'Fantastic CV, masses of experience...shame she wanted paying!'

'But can you walk, chew gum and TEXT at the same time??'

'Forget it, they're just looking for 'gatherers', right now.'

Sorry, Mr Arbutnot, I'm not interested

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

'Excellent resume, Mr.Lubish, but we already have a shaman.'

'What a horrible way to make a living...'

"Oh, I'm comfortable with a job offering minimum security. It reminds me of my last 4 years in prison."

"Good news. We've downgraded our recruitment intensity level from "nationwide search" to "anyone with a pulse"."

Recent ICE raids in Nebraska open up dozens of jobs for American workers.

"We don't have a lot of options for working just one day a year."

"No experience other than stripping and lap dancing — that's exactly what I'm looking for."

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"The job requires some travel. Most of it centered around responding to Congressional subpoenas."

' You misread the ad,I'm looking for a light-weight engine.'