Job Market Jokers Pillows

"Sorry. We don't need anyone at the moment."

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

How are you at decision making?

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

The world's most unemployable family

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'Are you free at the moment?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"I just Googled you and found out your resume is fake!"

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

'Evolution sounds good in theory, but what if we get overqualifed?'