Job Market Joker Gifts

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

The world's most unemployable family

Personnel. Last school grade completed? Yes. Just barely.

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

'Anyone can bilk the 'have nots'. We're looking for someone who can bilk the 'haves'.'

'My career's in ruins. I'm an archaeologist.'

"Congratulations. We're 'last hired, first fired' here, so everyone agreed we had to hire someone!"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

How are you at decision making?

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"We don't have a grievance committee, but we have a grieving committee for fired employees."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

'Restaurant' in bad need of staff