Job Joker Gifts

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

'How long have you been with us now, Jeffrey?'

Just a little heads up!

'I love being a rich executive so please don't let me get so bad that I won't be suspended with pay.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Get crazy once in a while

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

"Remind me again, is it Accounting or IT that handles issues related to online solitaire?"

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"Now you can send it."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'