Job Search Joker Gifts

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

How are you at decision making?

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

Between Offices

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"I don't like your application."

In and Out Sourced.

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.