Job Hunting Joker Gifts

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

The world's most unemployable family

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

Just a little heads up!

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"And you can REALLY make 345,000 deliveries in ONE day!"

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

Sit and Deliver

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"