Job Hunt Joker Gifts

'Regarding the job opening, we received your voice mail...and we don't care for your voice.'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

The world's most unemployable family

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

"And you can REALLY make 345,000 deliveries in ONE day!"

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

Just a little heads up!

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

Sit and Deliver

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."