Job Hunt Joker Pillows

'Regarding the job opening, we received your voice mail...and we don't care for your voice.'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

The world's most unemployable family

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

Just a little heads up!

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Sit and Deliver

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

'Sorry, but I have to put 'Orca': Who would hire a 'Killer Whale'?...'

"Congratulations. We're 'last hired, first fired' here, so everyone agreed we had to hire someone!"