Job Application Joker Gifts

'No, but you can fill out the application.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

The world's most unemployable family

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

Just a little heads up!

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

I'm trying to figure out what drives you... A new company car would be nice.

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

Sit and Deliver

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'You'll be hearing from us! Hello?'

'I like the way you tick, Watkins!'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

"Congratulations. We're 'last hired, first fired' here, so everyone agreed we had to hire someone!"

"Thank you for computerising the company - you are now obsolete, Goodbye."

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."