Desk Job Joker Gifts

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

'Don't just sit there Edwards! Sue someone!'

Sit and Deliver

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Storm in the out tray

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Morning, all!"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Time for More Paperwork

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."