Desk Job Joker Pillows

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

'Don't just sit there Edwards! Sue someone!'

Sit and Deliver

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Storm in the out tray

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Morning, all!"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Time for More Paperwork

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."