Desk Joker Gifts

'My anti-distraction program isn't very high-tech, but it works.'

He said if I was a self-starater, he wouldn't be a crank all the time.

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

'Do you mind not turning your wife's picture to face me?'

Tell Figgis I'm busy.

One Person Meeting in Progress

"That's Zwergman...I knew there was a sleeper cell lurking somewhere in the company!"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

In basket-case.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Golfing Boss

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"Morning, all!"

Overworked in the office

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

Time for More Paperwork

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.