Desk Jester Gifts

"We're trying to get staff to be more creative in their report writing." "I call this my dance of the fourth quarters client satisfaction survey."

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"We're a happy team here Benson - let's try to keep it that way."

The pole desk

"You know what? I'm making 75 bucks an hour right now."

"Wow. Most colleagues I work with just use stress balls."

'What happened to my desktop?! I can't find anything!!'

"By the way, this is our new company motivational webpage."

"This is a great place to work - if you're prone to do something like that."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Golfing Boss

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Morning, all!"

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

Time for More Paperwork

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.