Desk Jester Pillows

"We're trying to get staff to be more creative in their report writing." "I call this my dance of the fourth quarters client satisfaction survey."

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"We're a happy team here Benson - let's try to keep it that way."

The pole desk

"You know what? I'm making 75 bucks an hour right now."

"Wow. Most colleagues I work with just use stress balls."

'What happened to my desktop?! I can't find anything!!'

"By the way, this is our new company motivational webpage."

"This is a great place to work - if you're prone to do something like that."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Golfing Boss

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"Morning, all!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"I hate performance review season."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Time for More Paperwork

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."