Desk Job Jester Gifts

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

Hokey Kokey accounts

You got the job - when can you start working? What? I've been here five years! I know, when can you start working?

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Can't do them, sorry. I'm waiting for the paint to dry."

Scapegoat of the Year

"This is a work station, Jackson!"

"This is Harold. . . He's in charge of office merriment."

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"I hate performance review season."

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

Commutobile

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

'I bet you think I'm drinking tea...'

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."