Desk Job Jokester Gifts

'I just realized there's a direct correlation between the number of devices on my desk and the amount of goofing off I can do.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Laptop Dancing.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

"I was just finishing up some spring cleaning."

Scapegoat of the Year

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

He likes to make work fun

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'