Desk Jockey Jokester Gifts

"We're a family here and you'll be like a son to me - illegitimate, of course."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Morning, all!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

Time for More Paperwork

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"I feel your pain."

National Boss Monument.

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'