Cynical Desk Jockey Gifts

"Nihilistic customer service"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Golfing Boss

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"Morning, all!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

Time for More Paperwork

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Lumbar support animal

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

National Boss Monument.

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

"I feel your pain."

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

Work Slave

Busy office.

"We should have taken the cubicles."