Jockey Jokester Gifts

Cleaning the Horse

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Fleas Navidad.

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"Merry Christmas"

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"I hate this time of year."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Men dancing

"We're a family here and you'll be like a son to me - illegitimate, of course."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'