Jumping Jokester Gifts

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

Rider Helping Horse Over the Jump

"Bed Spread"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

Fleas Navidad.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Merry Christmas"

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"I hate this time of year."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Men dancing

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Trapped on the Pole Vault.

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"Maybe this year..."

"You idiots … we lost!"

Elf of the Month

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'