Jumping Jokester Pillows

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

Rider Helping Horse Over the Jump

"Bed Spread"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Merry Christmas"

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"I hate this time of year."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

Men dancing

Trapped on the Pole Vault.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Elf of the Month

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"Maybe this year..."

"You idiots … we lost!"

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Has anyone seen my contact?'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance