Jousting Jokester Pillows

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Bed Spread"

Car joust.

"Merry Christmas"

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Gadzook used armour. Only one careful owner.

"I hate this time of year."

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Don Quilowatte

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Elf of the Month

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Cleaning the Horse

'Hey, is that an official thing or did your mom give you that shirt?'

'Has anyone seen my contact?'

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.