Desk Jobber Gifts

"Stop bothering me while I'm trying to appear busy."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Out and In.

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Storm in the out tray

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"Morning, all!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

Time for More Paperwork

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Lumbar support animal

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

National Boss Monument.

"I feel your pain."

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.