Dream Job Joker Gifts

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"The pay for field testing our new lures isn't much, but you get to keep all the fish you catch."

"See how it feels"

Happy New Year...we feel a little overtime won't hurt you.

"At the moment I'm torn between the emotionally rewarding but poorly resourced role of a social worker or a more intellectualy rigorous career in quantum physics."

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

Just a little heads up!

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

"This is what you call doing what you love."

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

How do fish get to work?

Sit and Deliver

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"Dad, now can I be a fireman?"

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

"Make a bet - in a few years, your little boy will be the class clown."

Software for the small businessman

'Me? I'm just visiting from the company next door.'

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"Testing the "I could do this job in my sleep" theory."

"Thank you for computerising the company - you are now obsolete, Goodbye."

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"