Job Application Joker Prints

'No, but you can fill out the application.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

The world's most unemployable family

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

Just a little heads up!

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

I'm trying to figure out what drives you... A new company car would be nice.

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

Sit and Deliver

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'I like the way you tick, Watkins!'

'You'll be hearing from us! Hello?'

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

"Congratulations. We're 'last hired, first fired' here, so everyone agreed we had to hire someone!"

"Thank you for computerising the company - you are now obsolete, Goodbye."

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."