Job Interview Joker Prints

'No thanks! Knowing what I'm supposed to be doing might throw me off.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

Banking Appointments

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

'Her CV wasn't the only thing that was padded.'

My References

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

Job interview: 'Ever been in trouble with the law?' 'Nope, never been caught.' Keep your answers short. Real short.

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'How fast can you hype?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'