Resume Jokers Gifts

"I see high school, college, and business school, but I don't see obedience school."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

Photobooth Photobomb

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Are you free at the moment?'

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

Just a little heads up!

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

'I may not have the skills or education for this position, but I do understand the cartoons in the The New Yorker.'

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

"Sorry...I overslept."

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

'And make sure you use the AUTOMATED teller, you old goat!'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"Thank you for computerising the company - you are now obsolete, Goodbye."

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

Pinata Pranks

'Don't be silly, Ralph...of course you're not being replaced by a computer...you're being replaced by an electric paper shredder.'

"You think I can be an assistant manager?"

'How long have you been with us now, Jeffrey?'