Job Title Jokers Gifts

Window cleaner has number tattooed on his back.

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"Now you can send it."

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

He likes to make work fun

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

Photobooth Photobomb

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'....and that's our CEO. He's trying to find a corporate direction.'

"I'm a bit concerned the staff don't respect me, they've given me a nickname."

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'Doctor says I've got an enlarged procrastinate.'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

'No, I did not have a good day at the office, you know that's against the rules.'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

Elevator charge $1.00.

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

I made JB laugh today - I asked him for a rise.

Waste Management.