Office Jokers Gifts

'Fetch help quickly...The accident book's fallen on him!

"The first goal of our ad hoc committee should be to learn Latin."

"So gentlemen, new ship, new crew, what say we start our inaugural team meeting with an ice-breaker?"

"There's no proof that anabolic steroids improve performance of accounting tasks."

"We could agree to disagree but then you'd still be wrong."

'Its simple: we're the nanotechnology department.'

"Denise, for this afternoon's meeting, get some facts and place them at my fingertips."

"I want to be an executive,sir, and have three hour lunch breaks."

'Well, well, well - so today is your 50th anniversery with the company, eh? The company my dear old Dad founded way back in the fifties - Go ahead, help yourself to some biscuits.'

STRIP Hambone: Computer that cuts work load in half

Up, Down, Plummet (waiting for elevator)

'No smoking near the building Higgins!'

'Try re-installing your system software and turn off any file extensions.'

'Ma, I didn't get the raise, but I'm now the vice president in charge of empty cans and bottles!'

The company vehicle

"New around here?"

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

'For pity's sake stop that infernal humming!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How about this one? †'Everybody has to wear plaid socks on Tuesdays.''

"You're not the only one who thinks they've got the worst job in the world."

"I was assistant to Prince Andrew for six months, then I realised that, no matter how good I was, they were never going to make me Prince Andrew."

"I've called this meeting to discuss the high level of absenteeism within this company!"

No more bribes - today.

'I preferred my old title of Executive Vice-President.'

"He worked his way up from kicking the vending machine."

'And why do you think that people don't take you seriously?'

'They no longer award retirees with a gold watch, so I got the time-clock!'

"So how long have you been working the business?"

"This is the director of our customer loyalty program."

'The job calls for someone who is computer literate but, since you don't know computers, simply being literate is enough.'

"Oh, the doctor told you not to work so hard, did he?... And does the doctor pay your salary?!"

'Please lace a staff vacancy Ad for me...'Assistant Required, either sex statistics 36, 22, 36'.'

'-a Mister Wison,Accident Insurance to see you.'

"I can't believe you guys would do this for me rather than make me more money."