Corporate Jokers Gifts

'...I've decided on our efficiency slogan - 'Just do the Business - Eliminate Waste.''

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

Career Choices

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Under new blame.

"Best project manager we ever had."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.