Corporate Jesters Gifts

"ICE! Let's see everybody's green card."

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Congratulations! I'm promoting you to be my food taster!"

'Er, Jane, if my wife's kidnappers ring I'm in a meeting.'

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"I hate performance review season."

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

Career Choices

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"