Organizational Jesters Gifts

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"I hate performance review season."

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"