Office Jesters Gifts

Work/Life Balance.

£150,000 Per Annum - Daydreaming again, Foster?

"I hate performance review season."

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Acme Toupee Co. - Pile of toupees in corner, hawk on perch by open window - chart showing sales up. - The hawk is stealing toupees off people's heads, driving sales up.

"What about drug benefits, man?"

"We're supposed to be working from home, Dave, but it only works if you work from your own home."

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

"It really breaks my heart having to let all these good people go. Luckily my brother is a heart surgeon."

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

'I ran with them once.'

'How do you like this one?...Inflatable dart board.'

Don't be such a poor loser. You knew this would happen when you lost the Flopsies account !

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

Jeff hated performance reviews.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."