Bureaucratic Jesters Gifts

'I need $600 to build a dog house: $210 for materials and labor, $150 for a permit, and $140 for an environmental impact statement.'

"I hate performance review season."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

"We appreciate your insights Norman but the firm has reached the stage where we need actual ideas."

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

God's Office.

Jeff hated performance reviews.

'He said his first buzz word today!'

"You need to put on some weight if you want to keep your job!"

'That's it? That's your backup plan?'

"We've agreed to count it as both a wave and a particle for tax purposes."

"I chair the safety committee here, but since we're all dead, it's largely symbolic."

Congratulations on winning the Inland Revenue Fiction Award.

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

Man's house has sign reading 'Sod the council'. His neighbour says: 'Frankly, I'm amazed you got planning permission.'

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

'Have you got an Environmental Impact Statement for that castle, son?'

A dart board for the Federal Reserve's planning policy?

' I hope you're not trying to suggest that I don't pay you enough Foster ! '

"Never mind what it's for!! It's paperwork... just do it!"

"Congratulations! I'm promoting you to be my food taster!"

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'