Bureaucratic Joker Gifts

'How about this one? †'Everybody has to wear plaid socks on Tuesdays.''

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'For pity's sake stop that infernal humming!'

"So how long have you been working the business?"

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

NHS targets.

'Its simple: we're the nanotechnology department.'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

"We appreciate your insights Norman but the firm has reached the stage where we need actual ideas."

'In... out... in... out... in... out... in...?!'

'I preferred my old title of Executive Vice-President.'

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

"The first goal of our ad hoc committee should be to learn Latin."

God's Office.

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

"You need to put on some weight if you want to keep your job!"

'Try re-installing your system software and turn off any file extensions.'

Too early to begin working on/Too late to do anything about.

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

"We've agreed to count it as both a wave and a particle for tax purposes."

"Don't worry. We've never hit a target since we've been in office."

Before we can rescue you...you need a safety check.

"I can't believe you guys would do this for me rather than make me more money."

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

No more bribes - today.

"He worked his way up from kicking the vending machine."