Bureaucratic Jokester Gifts

Fishy Business: Federal Grant Money

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'Imagine if it was this simple to upgrade our staff.'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

'Well, I was looking for a yes-man, but I guess a toady will do just as well.'

"The boss told me I have to start at the bottom."

"Read the part when I invented micro management."

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

"If I put mustaches on all of us, we look more like a team."