Corporate World Jester Gifts

'Wait...so what do we actually get out of this system?'

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

"Accounts say that we can't afford to buy staff loyalty but we might be able to rent it."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."