Business World Jester Gifts

"It's a jungle out there. You'll love it."

"I don't respond to threats. Or e-mails, by the way"

'Just 'board room' will suffice, Ed.'

Fortunately for Brad, he isn't paid to think.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"