Management Jester Gifts

'And that's the boss. Nice enough guy, but wood from the neck up, if you know what I mean!'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'He works very quietly. If it weren't for the snoring, I wouldn't notice he was here.'

I gotta tell you, you project a 'milk me' type of image.

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with kindness and respect. Now get out."

"I agree, a mission statement should be utterly sincere, but I would leave out the, 'don't get caught' part."

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

"Of course I'm behaving like a big baby. That's part of my formula for success."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'