Management Joker Gifts

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"