Business Joker Gifts

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

'Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury.'

"'Crunch'? I thought you guys said puree the numbers."

'Me? I'm just visiting from the company next door.'

Seriously funny.

Salesperson on the phone.

Software for the small businessman

Happy New Year...we feel a little overtime won't hurt you.

'If you expect to get ahead around here, never again address the executive staff in your Donald Duck voice.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Now you can send it."

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."