The Office Joker Gifts

'Why don't more of you appreciate my wry sense of humor?'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Now you can send it."