Workplace Joker Gifts

'Before I continue, you're not one of those guys who blames the messenger for bad news, are you?'

"I'm well aware that your e-mail isn't working. I got your first message."

'If anyone wants me, I'll be in my office reading everyone's personal e-mail.'

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'That's interesting Larry, but most people just use a flipchart to express their ideas.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'Doctor says I've got an enlarged procrastinate.'

"I'm concerned, Tom, whether you have the full respect of your staff."

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'I don't care how you did things where you worked before.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"We already have an eight-hundred-pound gorilla."

'The memo said we can't eat at our desk. Didn't say anything about cooking.'

'Miss Jones, exactly what modifications have we done to the secretarial pool?'

'And this is Tony, our company's loose cannon.' 'We've met.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'No, I did not have a good day at the office, you know that's against the rules.'

'How's this for a severance package? Five minutes to grab all you can get.'

'Harold's not here, go away!'

Support staff staff.

'...You know we don't stand on formality here!'

Production Meeting: Excuses

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

Elevator charge $1.00.

'I wish you'd stay focused Simpson!'

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

'Well, that's fun! Just last week, one of your colleagues came in here to ask for a raise!'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'This makes our merit pay system so simple.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Have I caught you at a bad time?' (fishing pole)

'One small point,Perkins-we don't STAMP on the sell-by dates here!'

'If you only learn one thing while you're here kid, remember, the cherry filled ones are mine!'